Do not scold, shame, or punish your child for their BFRBs. Your child's BFRB is not something they can control and it is not their fault. It's not your fault either. BFRBs are not self-harm. BFRBs are not caused by trauma.

‍

It is critically important that you keep the lines of communication open with your child in order to support their overall physical health and emotional well-being. The more informed you become about BFRBs, the better advocate you can be for your child.

To help parents and family members learn how to provide the best support for their child, the TLC Young Adult Action Council provided answers to some common questions parents have about BFRBs and created a video, "A Parent Perspective: Talking to a Loved One with a BFRB", to demonstrate how, sometimes, good intentions can go wrong and to share how you can show your support in a way that they'll hear it.

For Parents

How do I respond to people asking questions about my child/staring at them?

First and foremost, make sure your child feels safe. Then smile and make it a no-big-deal. Our world is filled with insensitive individuals who don't quite know how to interact when encountering a situation that makes them uncomfortable.

Remember, disclosing your child's BFRB is their decision, not yours. It's up to them if they want to tell anyone, let alone a stranger, about their BFRB.

Making sure your child's emotional and physical well-being is protected during uncomfortable encounters in public helps them know they can engage in community settings without fear, which in turn helps them participate more fully in community as their authentic selves.

‍

Will my child ever have a relationship, go to prom, go away to college?

A BFRB medical diagnosis is a label that provides individuals with access to medical and educational supports to reach their full potential. That medical diagnosis does not define one's life. People with BFRBs live full and productive lives. They participate in arts and sports activities, are engaged in their community, attend college, pursue meaningful employment, get married, and have children. Encouraging your child to live fully into themselves from a young age despite their medical diagnosis gives them courage to explore who they are, as a person, first.

How do I cope with this?

There is no one way to cope with your child's BFRB medical diagnosis. You have two options on this journey: let the tide pull you down, or let a friend throw you a buoy to help you, by getting connected to resources through TLC. It is also important to remember that a BFRB is a medical diagnosis. It does not define your child's ability to live a full, productive life. You are not alone. Your family is not alone. Your child is not alone. There is a community full of people who are on the same journey. Reach out, get connected. You've got this, and we've got you!

‍

Are there support groups or places to take my child where other people will understand us?

Yes! The TLC Foundation has compiled a list of BFRB support groups, which you can access below. In addition, TLC offers health education and community programs to connect, grow, and learn together. This is a great way for both you and your child to find support, along with attending BFRB Awareness Week, annually on October 1-7, along with TLC's Conference.

Find support groups here

What role do parents play in the treatment process?

Parents play an important role in the treatment process for BFRBs. Your most important role is to educate yourself about BFRBs in order to be your child's best advocate and find a therapeutic match.

It's also important that you listen to your child's feedback on a therapist to gauge treatment efficacy. What's working and what's not? What therapeutic intervention needs your support? Where can you be most helpful? Are there opportunities for you to meet with the therapist to gain insight on how best to support your child?

Children do best in treatment when their parents are supportive and loving, without adding pressure, judgment, or expectations. Refrain from telling your child to stop pulling, picking, biting, or scolding them when they act on their behaviors. This only leads to increased behaviors and emotional shut down.

Keeping the lines of communication open with your child is important to their overall physical health and emotional well-being.