The impact of BFRBs is not usually felt by the patient alone. Their close friends and relatives often have to step up and provide support to their loved ones, especially during their recovery journey. This support can take many forms, from reminding them about their goals to reassuring and motivating them to push through their recovery journey. Creating a loving and supportive environment will make your loved one feel less isolated, which offers great relief. They will also feel empowered to seek the support they need, thus making you an invaluable party in their recovery process. Let's look at some do's and don'ts for allies supporting loved ones dealing with BFRBs.
Do’s for Supporting Individuals Dealing with BFRBs
People with BFRBs often deal with several negative emotions that trigger them to develop coping mechanisms such as nail biting and hair pulling. These individuals often feel helpless and frustrated over their condition, thus the need for a solid support system. Here are some of the things you can do to offer your support.
Learn More About BFRBs
Before offering any advice and help, it is best to understand what this condition entails and what the individuals dealing with BFRBs go through. You will have to understand that these behaviors are not just a lack of willpower but complex habits developed as a result of triggers that are often mental health-related. Therefore, understanding the causes and effects of BFRBs will help you offer a better support system since you will better understand what your loved one is going through and what they might need to cope with the condition. Further, learning about BFRBs will help you become more empathetic rather than sympathetic. Fortunately, you can use several online materials to educate yourself on the condition and how to provide adequate support, especially during your recovery.
Listen without Trying to Find Solutions
Sometimes, your loved one needs someone to talk to and an outlet for their frustrations. As a result, you must be more open to listening and understanding their struggles. Trying to find an instant solution may distract you from understanding their struggles better. Consequently, you must resist the urge to offer advice or solutions immediately. Take your time to listen to them since your presence and understanding can amount to a lot. Individuals with BFRBs often deal with pent-up frustrations; thus, you need to provide a safe space where they can feel listened to and understood. Instead of providing solutions, you can validate their emotions and assure them that you are always there to listen to them.
Encourage Them to Get Professional Help
In severe cases of BFRBs, it is always best to seek professional help to develop a comprehensive management plan. Therapists often use several behavioral therapies to help individuals respond better to their triggers. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Habitual Reversal Training are some of the approaches used to help in the management of these compulsive habits as well as the triggers. So, if your loved one has not yet enrolled in such therapy, you should encourage them to seek professional help. You can also help them by finding a suitable therapist and booking sessions to relieve them from the stress of scouting for a place to get professional help. If you experience resistance from them, then you should be patient and use various polite ways to float the idea of going for therapy. You can also have them check out some success stories of individuals dealing with BFRBs who have gone through therapy successfully.
Respect Their Boundaries
Sometimes, our loved ones may not tell us when they feel pressured or pushed to certain limits. Meaning you need to learn how to respect their boundaries. The best way to achieve this is by discussing some of the things they love and what they don't like. Such open discussions will make you more aware of their boundaries, and you can avoid being pushy to ensure they are comfortable. Also, you need to let them decide how much they want to share about their condition. If they do not want to talk about what they are going through, sometimes it is best to respect their decision or find a polite way to help them open up.
Don’ts of Supporting Someone with BFRB
Coping with BFRBs can be overwhelming, especially in a non-supportive environment. Below are some issues you should avoid when dealing with individuals with BFRBs.
Do Not Criticize Their Behavior
While sometimes we fail to understand their struggles, it is best to avoid criticizing or pointing out their behavior. Statements such as "Why are you doing that?" may cause more harm and get them back in their shell even more. Individuals with BFRBs are often embarrassed about their habits and even appearance; thus, pointing it out may make them feel ashamed and even reinforce their behavior due to stress. BFRBs are not something they can just snap out of. It takes a lot of work and determination to get over such habits. As a result, you should encourage them to adopt healthier coping mechanisms instead of pointing out their habits.
Don't Shame or Blame
At times, we may find ourselves commenting, "Your hair would look so much better if you did not pull it." While this may be a simplistic statement, it can be harmful to individuals with BFRBs since they will feel they are at fault for their appearance. Additionally, pointing out their insecurities, such as their bruised skin or uneven nails, can pass as shaming them for their appearance. It can increase their stress level and worsen the habit.
Do Not Monitor Them Closely
Constantly watching your loved one to see if they are indulging in their compulsive habits or stopping them can be invasive and may make them feel uncomfortable. They are already aware of their behavior; thus, having someone constantly monitoring them may increase the pressure and make them more anxious. While you may want them to stop, you can use other means to increase their awareness, such as using sticky notes or encouraging them to use fidget toys or stress balls to help with emotion management and increase their awareness.
Don't Invalidate Their Struggles
While biting nails or skin picking may feel like a minor thing to you, it can be a significant source of stress to them. That being the case, you need to avoid statements that invalidate their feelings or downplay the impact of their struggles. For example, a statement such as "It's just a habit you'll get over" can be dismissive and may make them feel even more helpless. Instead of being dismissive, you should acknowledge their struggles, listen, and show them that you care about their challenges. Most of us may minimize BFRB struggles since we do not understand it, hence the need to read more and understand this condition.
Final Thoughts
Supporting a loved one with BFRB requires empathy and patience. You will have to be more open to understanding their struggle and the effects of the condition on their mental health as well as physical appearance. Providing a solid support system also involves letting your loved one understand that you are always ready to listen to them and that it is okay to ask for help when they are ready. Managing BFRBs in a supportive environment helps your loved one feel less isolated, and they will be motivated to carry on with their recovery process with a positive mindset.
