How can I help my parents understand my BFRBs?

One of the hardest parts of having a BFRB, especially at the beginning, is helping our parents understand what we are going through. Our parents only want what’s best for us, and they’re trying to learn about BFRBs too. Sometimes they may not say the right thing out of worry, like “just stop.”

This can be extremely upsetting and can create feelings of guilt and anger; sometimes our parents can actually be a source of stress that fuels our pulling. But it's important to realize that, in all likelihood, your parents' intentions are good. Sometimes we don't realize that our parents are going through their own battles—they are scared and feel helpless because, as parents, they are engineered to want to take care of us and to fix what ails us. They can see that we are struggling and it is so, so difficult for them to accept that there is little that they can do to stop the pulling or picking. Your parents need support too. Encourage them to become more educated on BFRBs by attending a TLC health education and community event. Try to establish an open line of communication between your parents and yourself; if you need them to back off, tell them so. If you've had a terrible day and need their support, let them know that too. Your parents love you more than you can imagine, and they will do anything they can to make things better—but they need some support from others who understand, and some guidance from you on how they can best be supportive. Consider developing a system with your parents so that you establish guidelines for how all of you deal with your BFRB. For example, you can ask that your parents make a gesture or use a code word when they see you pulling or picking. Or set up one time during the day where you check in with them about your BFRB—that way, you don't have to worry about BFRB talk infiltrating all of your conversations with your parents. The key is to give your parents what they need, while remaining true to what you need.